So last night, I went to my first AA extravaganza of the year..a bit of halloween costume party fun..I was really wondering if I wanted to go because initially the idea didn't run blood pumping through my veins like some social events do, especially music shows..anyhoo, I decided to get outside of my bubble of periodic isolation, and GO! And I am so happy that I did decide to go, as I had loads of fun kickin' up my heels on the dance floor, and making people laugh--always a great time!
I didn't have a lot of time to come up with a costume, so my roommate rummaged up some items, which I thought would make for a punk hickabilly chic, or a modified raggedy ann--haha--at this time, I wish that I had a digital camera, so you all could see the end product! I had a flashy red wig, that was actually really cute, fake HUGE eyelashes, a decent amount of makeup, overalls, western-style shirt, arguile socks and boots--bright colors is always the key, and I definitely stood out like a sore thumb.
Cheers to AA fun, and I had such a wonderful time drinking my soda, and kickin' up my heels :)
What are your plans for Halloween fun?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Here's what's up
I thought that I would write a blog of a lighter nature, as most of mine are pretty frickin' intense, and that's ok because that embodies me; however, it's nice to venture away for a moment, and be not-so-intense. Light is nice, literally and figuratively.
I am sitting here at my computer, quite obviously, writing to the jury of inquiry, and listening to some hard core Christian music..not quite sure who they are, but the music arises from my new ipod, which I am so stoked to have..what a difference it makes in so many ways, like at the gym, worship music, and just whatever..a bit of a splurge I admit, but fully worth it!
Mike Mosher, friend and educator of stellar music, I was just listening to mewithoutyou..boy are they great, so thank you for introducing me to them :) Now Johnny Cash rings true and darkness avails..in the song anyhow--"like a bridge over troubled water." Love that song.
Anyhoo, decided to not take on more of the world, with the addition of a class in the hopes of the completion of my bachelor's degree..the idea was really cool and challenging, but I decided I am taking enough on at present. I always have to remind myself that when I am feeling like superwoman, the next day I could feel like her evil distant cousin--honestly this is precisely how lovely Bipolar has been displaying itself in my life, however I have to admit, things have been much better since being on the new medication..immensely, and for that I am a grateful woman! It's just plain hard to adjust to anything new, especially bipolar meds. I am ok with this decision, and I know the time will arrive when I can really put the smarts to work..for now, I am quite happy reading books about Einstein, Joan of Arc, William Wilberforce, and a few others..and lots of writing..trying to put more and more on this site. I am so thankful for the gift of creative thought and written word..to all my lovely blog friends..keep rockin' and exercising the intelligence with which you all have been gifted :)
I am sitting here at my computer, quite obviously, writing to the jury of inquiry, and listening to some hard core Christian music..not quite sure who they are, but the music arises from my new ipod, which I am so stoked to have..what a difference it makes in so many ways, like at the gym, worship music, and just whatever..a bit of a splurge I admit, but fully worth it!
Mike Mosher, friend and educator of stellar music, I was just listening to mewithoutyou..boy are they great, so thank you for introducing me to them :) Now Johnny Cash rings true and darkness avails..in the song anyhow--"like a bridge over troubled water." Love that song.
Anyhoo, decided to not take on more of the world, with the addition of a class in the hopes of the completion of my bachelor's degree..the idea was really cool and challenging, but I decided I am taking enough on at present. I always have to remind myself that when I am feeling like superwoman, the next day I could feel like her evil distant cousin--honestly this is precisely how lovely Bipolar has been displaying itself in my life, however I have to admit, things have been much better since being on the new medication..immensely, and for that I am a grateful woman! It's just plain hard to adjust to anything new, especially bipolar meds. I am ok with this decision, and I know the time will arrive when I can really put the smarts to work..for now, I am quite happy reading books about Einstein, Joan of Arc, William Wilberforce, and a few others..and lots of writing..trying to put more and more on this site. I am so thankful for the gift of creative thought and written word..to all my lovely blog friends..keep rockin' and exercising the intelligence with which you all have been gifted :)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Just Do It?
So I think I need a bit of advice for this decision I am about to make, although it is as if it has already been decided! To all my peeps out there, here you go..help me in this :)
Through a very random browsing session on the internet, I encountered a few schools that offer online undergrad and grad programs for virtually everthing one would desire to pursue. I thought to myself, MMM, I wonder what Ashford University has to offer in the area of psychology? I have a love for this area, and Biological Psychology was my major, until I underwent a sever manic episode which resulted in failing out of school, and landed my ass back in Lewy town. Anyhoo, fuuun times actually, well besides the intermittent madness..in reflection of that time, it was actually scary; and for those who know me, you are familiar with the episodic madness.
I clicked on this site and entered my information, thinking nothing of it. I don't even think I was desirous at this venture to pursue the completion of my degree, however before long, I received a phone call from a counselor..holy night, I thought, it's like flies on crap..they seemed to surround me with questions, and possibilites, that seem very tempting.
Harry, is my new counselor through Ashford University, and he really wanted to enroll me in school. Basically, in his understanding, I would be able to complete my schooling in about a year, thanks to the completion of four years of college..that's pretty cool, however I would have to become savvy with the usage of internet and email, which I don' think would be a problem, and I could have my degree, which would be stellar (as you can see, I am hashing this out as I write :)
I would only take one class at a time, which would allow me to escape the state of overwhelm. The classes look really cool, and bring me to salivation, as I love to learn and increase dendritic branching. School enhances already-present intelligence, and I am all for that.
So, should I do it? I believe I will be receiving financial aid, so finances shouldn't be a problem, but there is always that tid-bit of fear...will this really work out? I would only be taking one course at a time, which would last five weeks. My only concern is if Socal blows up and we get to go on our last fire tour, which I need..for my sanity and pocketbook. Sounds pretty rad, let me know my friends!
Through a very random browsing session on the internet, I encountered a few schools that offer online undergrad and grad programs for virtually everthing one would desire to pursue. I thought to myself, MMM, I wonder what Ashford University has to offer in the area of psychology? I have a love for this area, and Biological Psychology was my major, until I underwent a sever manic episode which resulted in failing out of school, and landed my ass back in Lewy town. Anyhoo, fuuun times actually, well besides the intermittent madness..in reflection of that time, it was actually scary; and for those who know me, you are familiar with the episodic madness.
I clicked on this site and entered my information, thinking nothing of it. I don't even think I was desirous at this venture to pursue the completion of my degree, however before long, I received a phone call from a counselor..holy night, I thought, it's like flies on crap..they seemed to surround me with questions, and possibilites, that seem very tempting.
Harry, is my new counselor through Ashford University, and he really wanted to enroll me in school. Basically, in his understanding, I would be able to complete my schooling in about a year, thanks to the completion of four years of college..that's pretty cool, however I would have to become savvy with the usage of internet and email, which I don' think would be a problem, and I could have my degree, which would be stellar (as you can see, I am hashing this out as I write :)
I would only take one class at a time, which would allow me to escape the state of overwhelm. The classes look really cool, and bring me to salivation, as I love to learn and increase dendritic branching. School enhances already-present intelligence, and I am all for that.
So, should I do it? I believe I will be receiving financial aid, so finances shouldn't be a problem, but there is always that tid-bit of fear...will this really work out? I would only be taking one course at a time, which would last five weeks. My only concern is if Socal blows up and we get to go on our last fire tour, which I need..for my sanity and pocketbook. Sounds pretty rad, let me know my friends!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Uprising
I lit the candle in the hours of the am to signify the dawining of a new existence.
I, Deidre Ater, a child of God and the risen Savior, am slowly learning to live a "bright" life in the midst of a disease called Bipolar Disorder. I am choosing to live a sober existence.
Throughout the last ten years, mixing medication, alcohol, and men, was how I coped. I was continually escaping from myself, though often the thoughts told me I wasn't..the many voices. I always loved fanatical rollercoaster rides, metaphorically and literally. Now, I want to remain in the literal.
Today, I would rather be on the ground, most of the time. My body and mind have grown weary from the viscious storm that has enslaved my life. I knew the sporadic consumption and obsession with alcohol and men was eating me away, life, teeth on flesh (sorry, graphic, yet true).
This obsession tainted my extreme love and devotion for the Lord, and the God-given beauty..it fueled my disease. I wanted, for so long, to just have a quiet mind, to escape the voices running like wildfire through my brain, the core of my being.
Hopelessness simply finds a door and walks in, when the evils of side effects, and the "whatever" thoughts pervade, in relentless pursuit.
I am thankful, truly for all of me, in this moment I share in the cold basement and my shivering body..writing must be done, always! God is giving me the strength, the knowledge of how to breath again. He alone is my all, my grace, and my peace! I will not be defeated, this battle will be won.
I, Deidre Ater, a child of God and the risen Savior, am slowly learning to live a "bright" life in the midst of a disease called Bipolar Disorder. I am choosing to live a sober existence.
Throughout the last ten years, mixing medication, alcohol, and men, was how I coped. I was continually escaping from myself, though often the thoughts told me I wasn't..the many voices. I always loved fanatical rollercoaster rides, metaphorically and literally. Now, I want to remain in the literal.
Today, I would rather be on the ground, most of the time. My body and mind have grown weary from the viscious storm that has enslaved my life. I knew the sporadic consumption and obsession with alcohol and men was eating me away, life, teeth on flesh (sorry, graphic, yet true).
This obsession tainted my extreme love and devotion for the Lord, and the God-given beauty..it fueled my disease. I wanted, for so long, to just have a quiet mind, to escape the voices running like wildfire through my brain, the core of my being.
Hopelessness simply finds a door and walks in, when the evils of side effects, and the "whatever" thoughts pervade, in relentless pursuit.
I am thankful, truly for all of me, in this moment I share in the cold basement and my shivering body..writing must be done, always! God is giving me the strength, the knowledge of how to breath again. He alone is my all, my grace, and my peace! I will not be defeated, this battle will be won.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A Nation's Desperation
I become overwhelmed quite often ,soft tears fill my eyes, blurry my vision. Passion fills my being, and I think it has nowhere to go, but to flow out of me.
Brennan Manning's book has touched me in so many ways, and reignited my fire for knowing and following Jesus. I want my fire for God to be made real by the fires that I have fought within my own mind, and on the ground. I don't want to live among the daises, mini-skirts or perfumed hair. I want to walk among lands torched by fire, to see and feel pain, sweat and bleed, for that which I hold true. It is only through remaining humble that we grow, that we can identify with Christ's pain. We should be a people who live in reckless abandonment to the power of the gospel, to live out the reality of Christ's sacrifice upon the cross.
Oh Lord, light the fires in our hearts again! That we be a people unabashedly commited to following You! That we would speak with a boldness and confidence that veers from normalcy, by the strength of your Spirit! Open our eyes to the pain of this world, those who have been deemed unlovely, that your love would seep from every pore on our being, your love would circulate through every vein in our body. Please Lord, increase our disgust for this world, but I beg of you, that we would know how to be in it, yet set apart.
My heart breaks for those who don't know You, who want nothing to do with You. Father, show Your love and Your power! Diminish the pre-conceived thought that you are a God of legality, strict doctrinal adherence to religiosity. You are so loving, so simple, so tender and relentless in your pursuit of our hearts.
We are a nation in desperate need of a Savior, a nation bloated with materialism and self-righteousness; a nation void of altruism, starved of moral maturity, and in need of a spiritual hunger..Jesus Christ.
Brennan Manning's book has touched me in so many ways, and reignited my fire for knowing and following Jesus. I want my fire for God to be made real by the fires that I have fought within my own mind, and on the ground. I don't want to live among the daises, mini-skirts or perfumed hair. I want to walk among lands torched by fire, to see and feel pain, sweat and bleed, for that which I hold true. It is only through remaining humble that we grow, that we can identify with Christ's pain. We should be a people who live in reckless abandonment to the power of the gospel, to live out the reality of Christ's sacrifice upon the cross.
Oh Lord, light the fires in our hearts again! That we be a people unabashedly commited to following You! That we would speak with a boldness and confidence that veers from normalcy, by the strength of your Spirit! Open our eyes to the pain of this world, those who have been deemed unlovely, that your love would seep from every pore on our being, your love would circulate through every vein in our body. Please Lord, increase our disgust for this world, but I beg of you, that we would know how to be in it, yet set apart.
My heart breaks for those who don't know You, who want nothing to do with You. Father, show Your love and Your power! Diminish the pre-conceived thought that you are a God of legality, strict doctrinal adherence to religiosity. You are so loving, so simple, so tender and relentless in your pursuit of our hearts.
We are a nation in desperate need of a Savior, a nation bloated with materialism and self-righteousness; a nation void of altruism, starved of moral maturity, and in need of a spiritual hunger..Jesus Christ.
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