Tooooo Long!

So, as can easily be noted, it has been toooo long since I have given my blog some looovin', however times have been a torrent of raging waters the past few months, with the whirls of bipolar and meds encircling my camp-- but the Lord is glorifying Himself as I walk through the fire, and growing my character and ability to endure through longsuffering. I have to remind myself that through every trial, I am growing in Christ-likeness (Wow is this hard) Anyhoo, I am doing much better, and will be returning home to visit fam and friends for the holidays--should be home for close to a month--yippee! I have also begun working on my book again, which is moving slowly, but at least there is movement.

Soon, I will be entering some work that I have done in the past months, but have failed to glisten my blog, or rather, at times, bring a dark cloud--whatever the case, more will be revealed from the mind and heart of Ms. Ater. Until then fellow bloggers, never stop pursuing that which falls heavy upon your hearts, and question motives and intentions in everything.

Ressurect Me!

I stand in a room, the walls are closing in..
My breath is stolen and I fall to my knees--
Blood and sweat pour forth from my brow,
This struggle within my mind, my flesh..
Burns for past lusts.
Commencement of inner wailings, my soul cries out---
Freedom from myself, will not be so,
Unless there is absolute surrender.

Infuse me Oh Lord, with your holy fire..
Your blood pumping through my veins,
Master of Puppets will you be--
Looking down to the ground, I see the hurts of my past..
Sorrowful eyes, heavy heart;
And then, the lifter of my head veers my eyes, my heart upon..
His love, His grace, and His divine leading.

Divine Rest

Rescue me from the reflection of me...
Take me away to rest beneath the shadow of Your wings.
Harbor not the ways of my past,
Surrender me, Oh Lord, from the addictions which suffocate--
Take me down..breathe, I cannot, on my own--
Be my breath, my everything!
May the reason I live today, be not of my own accord.

Reckless Abandonment

Now is the time for people to come alive..to live in reckless abandonment to the truth, to be enslaved by the One who has made us citizens of the light--Jesus Christ Himself!
Oh Lord, daily may we surrender ourselves at the foot of the cross, humbly seeking to surrender the old self, that which holds us hostage to the chains of sin, the violence of our minds, the confusion of our souls!
This battle begins and ends with the mind. The more we soak in the truth, in the beauty of God's Word, the more sanctified we become, and evermore aware of that which is not truth.

Oh Lord, this day is filled with the glory of Your love, the scent of You is magnificent..the trees raise their arms in praise, the mountains of grandeur, so vast..unfathomable beauty, never-ending love! Cause our hearts to be humbled by the extravagance of Your creation, the birds sing without ceasing! You are great, You are God..Creator of this universe!
May we live as a people who hold firmly to the truth, unwaver may we not in this gift of life..that our desires for that which is holy and pure overcome our desires for that which is of this world!!

Life Underground

Why in despair sweet dancer of the light?
Come now and sit with me in the basement of hope..
Where art lies and music strings--
Long for curious fellows to inhabit..
Expression of veins on fire,
Must get it out for fear I shall burst..
And then, art is upon the ground.
Schrapnel-like pieces..
Put me back together, so I can be whole again--
One with you, sitting here..
In this basement of hope.

Carnival

You will remain a vestibule of wonder...
Influx of memory and emotion--
They play together on the merry-go-round..
Until they spin off---
Off into worlds of their own.
Collide they may in future happenstance..
To harbor this hope of collision is a loss,
For living in the now is how I learn to breathe.

Awakening

I sit in the background, muffled voices, smiles of pleasure as wine glasses toast each other..
Conversations unfold, soft lights and the music telling stories, probably more fascinating than the mirage of present voice.
Everything within this house is beautiful to the human eye, the food is so amazing--I sit in wonder, as the time might arrive where it will come alive and dance upon the silver platters.

I always have split feelings about these events for the privileged. I suppose I don't need to be so judgmental, but I believe these thoughts are present due to the growing realization that this world fades away, and I want others to get it. Copious amounts of money is spent on alcohol--booze, booze and more booze. It was as if the importance and esteem of alcohol was greater than mere sustenance..all the people hiding behind their glasses as if everything was fine--well, it's not ok--there are people struggling with addictions, heartache, agonizing depression and anxiety, the loss of loved ones, divorce, and the list could continue.

I imagined this scene as if in a movie..Jesus came crashing through the gold-plated doors in a simple, yet commanding presence. Glasses came crashing to the floor, mothers crying in efforts to shield their babes from the confusion, men at a stand-still. Jesus destroyed everything that had become an idol--all alcohol was destroyed, most everyone stripped of present comfort. The words of Jesus..piercing, yet soft. Jesus communicated the salvation story, and the reality of the depravity of mankind. Some people fell upon their knees in the realization of their depravity, others would have nothing to do with the Savior of the Universe.

And then, as if coming out of a cold sweat, my daydream had ended. A smile that arose from soul's depth landed upon my face, and I knew that I had true freedom and peace, which was a gift from Jesus. I find it is a daily battle to surrender the rights to myself and to this world, but it is now a joy. The world is losing it's appeal, and I am learning to mourn for those who are blinded.

Untitled

Mind penetrates breath, till speech no longer a gift--
Entrails of your touch, your being rubbed off onto..
Pale skin beneath moonlight's kiss,
Oh what you've done to me..
Heart moving in dolphin-like oceanic speed--
Until intersection of dreams crash this--
Stain-painted euphoria.

The Piercing

I don't claim to have it all together, rather I claim that I hope to recklessly abandon myself to the One who has it all together.
Broken I arrive at your feet, hungering more for Your word. Wet face from broken dreams, endless questionings to You oh Lord...
Fire breathes beneath my soul, stirring me to do something...
And many times I am directionless, confused.
When I fall beneath the grave, I lost everything I was.
Formed identity I cannot find..
Another suffocating depression, the wailings begin.
Oh God, surrender me from beneath the grave into Your glorious light!
Unveil my eyes from this madness so that I may see Your face.
Oh Lord, I am cold, alone..I beg of You to be ever so near my soul--
Wrap me in your arms of mercy and grace, that I might see clearly again!
Pierce my soul with Your hope, Your deliverance.
Day and night I feast on Your word, for it is my only food, my only hope.
To You oh Lord, I give thanks, in all these sufferings.