Uprising

I lit the candle in the hours of the am to signify the dawining of a new existence.
I, Deidre Ater, a child of God and the risen Savior, am slowly learning to live a "bright" life in the midst of a disease called Bipolar Disorder. I am choosing to live a sober existence.

Throughout the last ten years, mixing medication, alcohol, and men, was how I coped. I was continually escaping from myself, though often the thoughts told me I wasn't..the many voices. I always loved fanatical rollercoaster rides, metaphorically and literally. Now, I want to remain in the literal.

Today, I would rather be on the ground, most of the time. My body and mind have grown weary from the viscious storm that has enslaved my life. I knew the sporadic consumption and obsession with alcohol and men was eating me away, life, teeth on flesh (sorry, graphic, yet true).
This obsession tainted my extreme love and devotion for the Lord, and the God-given beauty..it fueled my disease. I wanted, for so long, to just have a quiet mind, to escape the voices running like wildfire through my brain, the core of my being.

Hopelessness simply finds a door and walks in, when the evils of side effects, and the "whatever" thoughts pervade, in relentless pursuit.

I am thankful, truly for all of me, in this moment I share in the cold basement and my shivering body..writing must be done, always! God is giving me the strength, the knowledge of how to breath again. He alone is my all, my grace, and my peace! I will not be defeated, this battle will be won.